24 April 2006
Today I am waiting. Yesterday I was waiting. I can guarantee you that tomorrow I will be waiting. It's a struggle to live in the moment when I much prefer the outlook of the future. We are waiting for passports, then we will be waiting for money and residence visas. None of this is in my control. Yes, I can help it along to some extent, but for the most part I am stuck waiting. Seems like this is a theme of my life. Could it be that God is perpetually teaching me patience? Am I any different than anyone else? Have I learned anything from my past waiting experiences? I hope so. I firmly believe that if I don't learn the lesson when God decides I should learn it, it will come back. Again and again.
But I'm not completely pessimistic. I'm not pessimistic at all, I don't think. I really am excited about the future. But I am not there. I am here. In a job I don't particularly love but that I am incredibly grateful for. And I'm here close to family, relishing spring, enjoying the groan-creak of my porch swing while I still have it. Maybe it's not patience I'm supposed to learn. Maybe it's contentment. I hope I get there before I leave.