closer & closer...

We are so close now. I haven't posted in a while, but I think I need to post regularly now, even if no one reads my blog. We picked up our visas on Dec. 8, and have 90 days from that date to present ourselves to the visa authorities in Spain. Our projected departure is sometime around the last part of February. Before we go, though, we still have the rest of our budget to raise (about half!) and we'd really like to get our house sold.

I'm not worried - just anxious about all that has to be done before we leave. I don't want to forget anything.

I'm starting to look at my house with different eyes - distancing myself in a way, knowing that we will never live there again, but also taking in as much as I can. I love sitting on my porch swing on a nice day, saying 'hey' to the neighbor kid. I love making salsa or bread or whatever on a Saturday afternoon in my bright kitchen watching my favorite cooking shows. I even love the familiar sounds - when the floor creaks in specific spots; the sound of the front door opening and keys being dropped into the bowl, signifying that Vino is home. I wonder if the next occupants will someday find comfort in the familiarity of the old house. I'm looking forward to finding the things I love about our new home, wherever it will be.

The passport came. Now we wait for official invitation, THEN we apply for residence visas.

Patience, patience, patience. It is my lot in life.

So here's a shocker. We're still waiting...for a passport right now, which when it comes will start off another round of waiting for an official letter. Is this going to be for us a test, a gift, or both? I have said from my heart so many times that I want the Lord to do whatever He needs to do in my life to have me where He wants me. Even if that means never having kids. Or never going on the mission field. Or being sick. Or having a stressful job. I don't want to dictate to Him what his best is for me. And I want to learn everything I can from whatever I go through. So we need wisdom, and we need to have some questions answered. A friend reminded me this morning that God's schedule is not always our schedule, and He doesn't belong in a box. So true. I want no boxes in my heart for God. He is limitless.

Today I am waiting. Yesterday I was waiting. I can guarantee you that tomorrow I will be waiting. It's a struggle to live in the moment when I much prefer the outlook of the future. We are waiting for passports, then we will be waiting for money and residence visas. None of this is in my control. Yes, I can help it along to some extent, but for the most part I am stuck waiting. Seems like this is a theme of my life. Could it be that God is perpetually teaching me patience? Am I any different than anyone else? Have I learned anything from my past waiting experiences? I hope so. I firmly believe that if I don't learn the lesson when God decides I should learn it, it will come back. Again and again.

But I'm not completely pessimistic. I'm not pessimistic at all, I don't think. I really am excited about the future. But I am not there. I am here. In a job I don't particularly love but that I am incredibly grateful for. And I'm here close to family, relishing spring, enjoying the groan-creak of my porch swing while I still have it. Maybe it's not patience I'm supposed to learn. Maybe it's contentment. I hope I get there before I leave.